A good year - My simple philosophy

It has been a good year. Like every other year there were moments of pain, regret, loss, despair and disappointment. But, it has been a good year.

I'm not well-acquainted with human death. It has always been a distant and aloof thing that only happened to other people's families and disaster stricken third world communities. For the first time this year, I have understood the grief and anguish of losing someone close...twice. First my grandmother in June, then my uncle in late November. I never thought death would bite so close. I can ramble on forever and attempt to describe how much I loved them, how loved they made me feel or how great and magnanimous they were...but I won't. I lack the eloquence to express exactly what I want to say. I haven't got the words to do them or my feelings any justice. Besides, this is more of a reflection on how I've surprised myself with the way I've handled the loss.

I'm strong. At least, much stronger than I thought I was. Death and loss have created lens that have affected my perception of the beauty and joy in life. I appreciate my family, my friends, my marriage, my vocation, my peace, my talents, my health, my sanity, my clarity, my memories, my home, my independence and a million other blessings a lot more. Every single day calls for a celebration. Two funerals, a grieving family and yet, I maintain it is a good year. I'm not much of a mourner. I went back to work the day after Uncle Vicky passed away. I had a good day at work too...celebrated my win at the workplace Movember competition and pranced around for pictures. I went wedding shopping a week after Aatha's funeral and got married two weeks after Uncle Vic's. Yes, I cried...bitter, quiet, lonely, frustrated, helpless and selfish tears. I was in Australia when I received news of both the bereavements. The isolation of not having family to share the pain with was killing. But I moved on. I have not gotten over it. I don't think I ever will and I don't want to either...but I have moved on.

My loss has been strangely positive. I have come to terms with the fact that nothing is permanent. That losses will be there at every stage of life..and I have come to realise that this is why life is exciting and is the best blessing. This is why, every good thing that happens in life is A BIG DEAL.

I am thankful for everything that has happened this year. It has been a good year.<: